Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Oh, they say the darnest things!

Week 3 of A-100 training is in full swing, and I'd like to take this opportunity to share some wisdom I have acquired recently. Details of our training must remain shrouded in tantalizing secrecy, but I will regale you with tidbits of hysterical humor that I was treated to:
1. Some cultures/people are Peaches and some are Coconuts. It has to do with the shell and the insides. What do you think YOU are?
2. If it smells bad, if it looks bad, if it sounds bad...don't sit on it (what??)
3. Pregnancy is the most contagious condition in the world (wait, is it in the air?!)
More to come as training progresses.

This past Sunday we celebrated the Diplomat's birthday. Because of the Saturday night fiasco, I had geared up to provide him with a fabulous day, to start with taking care of Son in the morning while he slept. Which was going rather well, until Son demanded to see Daddy and started rolling screaming on the floor at 6.45 am. Delivering menacing threats to the stubborn child while whispering was not proving exactly successful and I was about to drag him out of the apartment at 7 am, when he poignantly peed in his pants just to prove some obscure toddler point. With a blood-curdling look in my eyes, I changed him in a flash and drove off to Harris Teeter, our fabulous neighboring grocery store which is open 24/7, God bless them. To my utter shock, I was hardly the only one there...as we started slowly rolling the cart down the isles, I began noticing quite a few customers who apparently thought that 7.30 am on a Sunday morning was a fabulous time to shop. Guess why--we all had a kid in the shopping cart. We would acknowledge each other with a gloomy look, and ask simply, "What time did he/she wake up?" Then we would nod knowingly to each other, sigh heavily and wander off grumpily in the vast expanse of the store buying entirely unnecessary items (like multiple bottles of wine) while the kids would happily wave around the complimentary balloon the store provides and ecstatically hit you on the head with it from time to time. Damn balloon!
The rest of the day was great even though I was severely underslept. I did try to squeeze a nap during the afternoon, while the Diplomat and Son were asleep. Sadly, Fat Cat was of another opinion and spent a good 40 minutes trying to find the best spot on top of my stomach and chest for his own afternoon nap. I guess I was overrun by a house full of sleepy men. 

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