Thursday, January 30, 2014

Swine Flu, Daytime TV and one Naughty Scale

Son and I just had swine flu, which lasted for 5 agonizing days. Well, truthfully, it was more like Son had it and then promptly gave it to me as I valiantly slept in his bed to watch over him at night. Internally disappointed that he had no flu at all, the Diplomat toyed with the idea of having nausea and upset stomach for a few hours three days ago, but I think once his stomach expelled the last vestiges of the super spicy Indian food he had just ingested for lunch that day, plus he got bored lying down, he miraculously got cured. Son and I, on the other hand, stuck to Tamiflu, limited mobility and endless television for 4 days each and we are as good as new. Only my voice is still gone, which I am sure is not lamented by anyone around me.

AS I said, I spent 4 days placed mostly horizontally in front of the TV! Whoever tells you that daytime TV sucks, is clearly not watching the right channels. Folks, daytime TV rocks! So educational and informative. Thanks to HGTV, TLC and National Geographic, I am now all updated on fiancĂ© immigration, plural marriages, how to loose more than 450 lbs in a year, remodeling a hovel, baby delivery in prison, buying million dollar properties in Manhattan, being pregnant without knowing it until you deliver in the toilet, everyone’s desire for an “open layout” in their houses, connecting to dead spirits in Long Island, choosing bridesmaids dresses with a bunch of obnoxious bridesmaids, having oddly themed weddings, buying apartments in Bolivia, having unexpected quintuplets, eating makeup, living your life as a real, alive doll and trying to conceive as a "small couple.” America is great! People, we are honestly an amazing country where EVERYTHING, EVERY SINGLE THING is possible. In fact, we do not need mandated home leave in the Foreign Service to get reconnected to our country. We simply need to be forced to spend a week watching a compilation of all such great reality shows from the past year and we will get re-acclimated very, very fast, plus we will save our government oodles of money.

Sadly, I am now completely hooked on those Property Brothers and Kitchen Cousins (who are SO easy on the eyes while they wield a hammer!; I wonder if there are more family members doing construction out there...some Bathroom Uncles maybe?) as well as Long Island Psychic, who is clearly for real and so are her nails. No shame. Validate! What??

The one positive outcome of the flu has been some good, solid weight loss as I discovered in delight this morning while performing my daily morning ritual of weighing myself. Interestingly however, few moments later I was summoned back to the bathroom (where the scales are) by the very distressed cries of the Diplomat. It appeared that something was wrong with the scales. You see, he also weighs himself every morning. (Yes, we are that kind of an obsessed family.) Apparently, however, the scales were showing him to be at least 5 lbs more than what he deep down knew to be at (and 10 more than what he had told me he was). I climbed back on the scales and with a cloying, asinine smile announced that no, the scales were just fine and I have apparently lost some weight. He gave me a murderous look and moved the scales around the floor to a new position, then climbed back on it. The scales indeed showed a drop of 5 lbs – apparently there was some sort of a mistake before, or maybe he did not see right, who knows. The reality, however, was that he still was weighing way more than he wanted/claimed to be. He spent the next 10 minutes moving the contraption in various sports around the bathroom floor in the hopes of finding the one uneven tile that will help him shed another pound or two. It was not successful. 


  1. It is amazing that you are able to view the adverse situation as beneficial one! It is in fact the essence of Indian philosophy! Glad that you both recovered soon!

  2. Swine flu?!?! How in the world did you get swine flu in DC?